Back & Broken

What a day it is today…

BACK

Hey, hey, hey! I’m back blogging! It’s been really a long time since my last entry. I was a bit busy these past few days. There were things that I need to prioritize. I know that if you love something, like me, writing, reasons are only reasons. You need to find time doing what you enjoy but there were days that you needed to lie low even though it may cause some pain in your heart. I want my welcome blog entry to be a positive one but I can’t. I feel like in my comeback, I’m broken. 

BROKEN

I am broken especially today. I know that I shouldn’t be ranting bitterness here because I want my blog to just be a positive, happy vibe, sunny blog. But when you feel something, it just translates into the things that you do. I know that this is a comeback and here I am telling some sadness in my life but this is me. I just want to voice out what I am feeling even just for now. I am recognizing that I have a problem this time. 

I feel like my life is a mess right now. All the things that I do is against to what I wanted. I know that God gives these kind of challenges in life to make you stronger and to have faith in Him but there are times that I still feel bad, like today. Oftentimes, I show a strong persona to other people. I am known for my calm relax self especially in times of cramming but I dodged a bullet at myself this time. I let my anger and sort of anxiety get in my head that caused bad treatment to other people. I know I shouldn’t have done what I did awhile but it’s already done. What can I do now? The damage has been done. I have said what I have said. I should admit that I mess up this time. That, what I did is wrong and I am initiating my apologies now. It was only now that I realize what I did was wrong. I can’t tell you the detail cause ….

The Sunday Currently/ 21

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Happy Sunday everyone! How’s your weekend so far? The days gone so fast right? Have you thought of we’re almost done with the half of the first month of 2017? I also spent my weekends at home and did nothing. I needed to relax my brain for I know the coming days will be hectic again at work. But my brain is also telling me to do something worthwhile that’s why here I am again writing. I don’t religiously update or publish much these past few days but I am trying my best to once in awhile visit here. I truly miss writing and I am happy to have purchased some stuffs that would help me rekindle my writing skills.(Naks! Parang totoo and pro) I am also starting my 2017 with making a journal. (This would be my first ever official journal and I am excited about it.)

CURRENTLY 

Reading

 

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As you can see, I am still into my Lang Leav book. I haven’t read all of it but with what I have read already, so far so good. I am enjoying every piece and I am also inspired to do the same in the future. I hope my writing skills will love me the way I love reading especially poetry books. 

Writing
my 21st edition of Sunday Currently

Listening

I am enjoying the newly released singles of Ed Sheeran. I am digging the lyrics and tunes especially the Castle in the Hill

 

Thinking
of what to write in my journal. What is the first step in doing such. (Any suggestions people?)

Smelling
my MS lavender lotion. Super soothing and relaxing smell

Wishing
I could fill my journal with good memories and writings.

Hoping

Despite the stress that my work gives me, I hope I could endure them and with God’s guidance, all of it will fall into place.

Wearing

my spaghetti strap mini dress topped with black fitted sando.

Loving

my new Journal notebook

Wanting

a new *toot! I will divulge everything when I already have it on my hand.

Needing

enough sleep. I think I may be in bed all day but I still lack sleep. How was that batugan? 

Feeling
happy because of life. confused with work and the things my colleague have been doing lately. Sleepy (buona notte!)

Have a great weekdays ahead everyone! Let’s welcome the new week with full of enthusiasm and positive perspective and perception in life. This kind of attitude makes me endure those days that sometimes make you feel dull and weary. And of course God’s guidance too. (Always seek for His guidance and protection) Good night again! Ciao!

Join The Sunday Currently link-up by Siddathornton!

The Sunday Currently/ 20

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So, one week has passed for the year 2017 and so far so good for this new year! I’m optimistic for a better or best version of myself. I’m motivated to find genuine happiness in which it’s a decision that depends only to me. 

CURRENTLY 

Reading
The Universe of Us by Lang Leave (which I purchased via online and just delivered on me literally today. It’s freshly handed and being read.)

Writing
20th edition of my Sunday Currentlies

Listening

The commentaries of A&M in IYAM. (It’s a multitasking Sunday for me. I am super excited reading my Lang book then writing this one plus I am carefully listening to every commentaries in the said DVD. Trivia, my IYAM DVD was at the same time just handed to me today which means, my late Christmas gift to myself came at the same time today. It’s better late than never right?)

Thinking
Of my goals this year in which I want to fulfill and I am praying hard for it.

Smelling
Nothing. Clogged nose or there’s none really.

Wishing
That all my aspirations and dreams in life will come true or fulfilled. Let’s also wish good to everyone.

Hoping
That my thoughts of buying this super mahal thing will push through or worth my money.

Wearing
Army green spaghetti strap mini dress. Super comfy.

Loving

My new purchases. The Lang Leav book and IYAM DVD.

Wanting
To go for a vacation and write poems more.

Needing
Some cough medicine. My mama is already worried on the extent of my cough.

Feeling
Happy, contented and grateful

 

Have a great week ahead. Let’s welcome the coming weeks and months of 2017 with a motive to be genuinely happy, carefree, full of positivism and live in realm.

Join The Sunday Currently link-up by Siddathornton!

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We are looking forward to your newest teleserye A&M. I am super excited for “Destined to Be Yours” despite my missing of the KS. I am missing you both too but I know that this little sacrifices of not seeing you both in the TV everyday, will still be worth the wait. I just knew it and I claim it now for the success of it.

Like this day is a reminder to how this started – and that is about love and good vibes that happened unexpectedly.

I know even if you don’t show or does not come in your mouth that you’re feeling the pressure of being together but I also know that you want to nurture what you feel inside, that’s why I am stepping behind now of knowing your whereabouts and your updates because I am letting your relationship grow deeper, mature to forever and just love.

I just want to greet you both and remind you of the day that started it all. I love you both A&M. I just realized today that you need not to know someone personally to love him/her. Love is a feeling and I felt that to you. I felt your genuine hearts that’s why it has also touched my heart. I know that there were news that give bad light unto the both of you but in my personal circumstances, I don’t bother or doesn’t mind them for I have stronger faith on you both and your fate is to be together. That it doesn’t dampen or tarnished my feelings towards you despite the various bad news that try to slow your phenomenon status as of the moment. I just pray that you both have a stronger bond to face these bumps and trials.

Happy #ALDUB77thWeeksary A&M and the whole ADN! Continue the happy vibes within you that radiate within us

Ann’s Holidaze

It’s been so long since I publish a blog and my last post is very shallow (sabaw. mema lang. mema-lagay). I still haven’t found my mojo. But I will try my best to tell how was my holiday because I definitely ended the season with genuine happiness.

I will start my  story on December 19, 2016. It is the scheduled Christmas party in the office and I was tasked to be the host again. The introvert me of course is pulling me down and I know I need also to hone my speaking skills because I am still a novice at this. What can I do? I need to comply with what my superiors want. And being one of the youngest in the group, I can’t complain. I just need to say yes even if I am not comfortable at this. There’s nothing I can do. Even though that’s the case, I was able to speak decently there. My bravery prevailed yohoo! I may have been the host but I was able to snap some videos and pictures so the link below were some of it. I enjoyed despite my nervousness of actually hosting the party.

I am scheduled to have a Christmas break so, my Christmas vacation came early. After the Christmas party, I was able to take a rest and pull back the energy I consumed from hosting. I may not show it but I don’t know, whenever I am speaking publicly, after it is like my energy just went off. I am thankful that I was given the chance to rest and have my me time. As I was enjoying my vacation, I received a text from my boss informing me of a meeting or conference at Tuguegarao in which nothing I can do but comply.

December 23, 2016 – I was at Tuguegarao for a conference oversight meeting. It may be for compliance purposes but I still enjoyed it. I gained another experience and learning from it. In everything that happened in my life be it happy or sad, in what I want or not, I see things in a brighter and lighter side. I believe that as I exist longer in this world or as I mature, I learned how to appreciate life despite it goes the opposite of what I want.

December 24, 2016 – a day before the Christmas day. I intended to just relax and not prepare anything grandiose this day. It’s been a tradition in the family to just celebrate Christmas day the simplest way. Anyway, this is the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ so, we must dedicate this day living the way he planned and the way He can be proud for us and that is loving the ones He loves and appreciating life and love. As the night came by, I went to my Aunt Cora’s house to visit and greet them and with a little chit chat, I went home immediately too. As what I have said in my previous post, I slept again in the Christmas salubong but the day was not wasted because…

December 25, 2016 – I was watching the television when my phone notified about meeting with my high school classmates/friends. It was the right decision to go because I really missed them so much and I had the chance to update myself about their lives and how we have changed in terms of maturity but we’re still the same. That feeling of just like the old times. Here’s some of the snaps from our unplanned get together which is all worth it.

December 30, 2016 – my parents went to Ilocos and I was left alone in the house because of work-related circumstances. I am on duty for New Year week so, I need to be intact in the municipality. My first night alone in the house felt like sad but not really because I am able to reflect on what happened to me this year. And I need to look forward to a great coming year being independent and a braver self.

December 31, 2016 – because I am alone in the house, I intended to spend my New Year’s Eve at my Aunt Cora’s house. But before that, I went to supermarket to buy fruits especially the round sweet fruits because it is believed that it is lucky for the upcoming year. Of course, we need to prepare foods so, me and my cousin Ate Rebecca experimented to bake a cake in a turbo broiler. It was an epic fail but I enjoyed our bonding more than anything else. My social life is back again with the people close to my heart and that’s what more important. And the bread we prepared is not bad because the kids loved the taste. The New Year Eve came and I spent it with the people close to my heart – my family. I know that it is happier if my parents and brother were around but I still did enjoyed it. I am with the company of happy people.

 

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Group photo with the gang.

Here’s my message to the upcoming year…. – “Happy New Year! Spread love, happiness and light in the world. Let’s look forward to a great 2017.”

January 1, 2017 – Happy first day! Happy monthly reports day! Despite being late to sleep, I still need to wake up early. Thankfully, this day in terms of work related came smooth sailing. I finished my report early then I went back to my Aunt’s house to bond more with my cousins but I slept the whole afternoon of it. I just went out of bed at about 4 in the afternoon already. Then after I ate my late lunch, I went back at home to prepare my parents coming home too. I cooked dinner for them though it’s just a fry food, it was made with love. Naks! I am already asleep when they came back so I just saw then the next day,

January 2, 2016 – It’s the birthday of my Aunt Cora. We usually end the holiday on this day. It is the day wherein all of us in the family gets together. We were the ones who prepares the food to eat for the actual celebration. Of course I was the one who is in-charge of the cake so my father went to buy it. I am also touched coz she used my gift or the dress I gave her eventhough it’s a little bit loose on her, she still went for it and used it. This day is the happiest day in my whole holiday vacation. I get to spent this day with my parents, cousins, nieces, nephews and many more. I genuinely felt the happiness this day.

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These are some of the snap pics of the 69th birthday of Auntie Cora.

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Here’s my message to Auntie Cora’s birthday, “The holidaze will never be complete without this day being celebrated. Happy birthday to the person who is tagged as masungit but we always look up to and always care for us. Happy natal day to the one who acts as the second mother not only to her siblings but also to all of us her nieces and nephews and extended to her apos. Thank you for all the things that you always do in our family. May God continue to bless you with all the desires of your heart. Wishing you good health always. Happy birthday AUNTIE CORA!!!

There you have it, ANN’s HOLIDAZE! I truly enjoyed it and I hope that 2017 will be great to all of us! Happy New Year everyone! Let’s this new year be our motive to find genuine happiness, spread kindness, share love to the people close to our hearts and serve as a blessing to everyone! Spend this year the way you want it in God’s guidance and plan and not the other way around. Let us all claim that this year is our year to be a better of our selves.

 

76

Two hearts that beat as one

Even if we’re two worlds apart

There’s something that is missing

And it’s you who fills the emptiness 
I chose to be happy

And I choose you

Now I’m happy and contented

With you by my side
This would be my most sabaw post but never will I forget the day that made me happy and believe in forever even though that forever is not for me, I know it exists for A&M. Oh my it’s 76 weeks now and we’re still hanging in there. We’re not making promises here on how far this journey can reach but as long as I can still feel the fire and spark in my heart then, I will continue supporting. No one can tarnish my support and love coz that’s how strong my fate in this team is. 

Happy celebration of the #ALDUB76thWeeksary let’s make the remaining days of 2016 worthwhile and meaningful. Stop the hate now and support and be happy with what you love. Let’s welcome 2017 with a happy and peaceful heart, team kampante and prayerful for the benefit of others. Let’s not forget to spread love and show kindness to all the we meet. 

The Sunday Currently/ 19

 

It’s Christmas day! Merry Christmas everyone! Happy birthday Papa Jesus. Thank you God for bringing Jesus Christ in our lives. Spend this day with the people you love like your family and friends!

CURRENTLY 

Reading
The Christmas greetings from families and friends plus some twitter updates of mi loves. (you already who they are)

Writing
aside from my 19th edition of the Sunday Currently, I hope I could finish the ones in my draft. Lately, I was so lazy witing or my mojo feels is somewhat lost over these past few days. My previously published posts were somewhat shallow. I hope I can recuperate from it. (hahaha like a disease)

Listening

I’m into Bruno Mars nowadays. I just love his voice. But the Versace on the Floor is consistently popping in my head coz it’s the music from our mini reunion trip with friends

Thinking
of my duty this New Year’s break. I will be alone spending the New Years day but no biggie.

Smelling
the mango peach pie I bought from the fastfood chain we went to. Love anything that is mango flavored.

Wishing
for a better and peaceful remaining days of 2016.

Hoping
I could buy the best *toot! I have been wanting this for more than half decade already. That’s how important this to me.

Wearing
my blue spaghetti strap mini dress

Loving

how I spent Christmas today. I may have slept on the actual salubong or the Christmas Eve Noche Buena (it’s already two years in a row. Huhuhu! Here’s the link of my post when I slept from last year https://annjerusalem.wordpress.com/2015/12/24/slept-at-christmas-eve/) but this day is still worthwhile. I am loving the mini reunion with my friends. Thanks to Richie and Mark Lester for initiating the trip.

Wanting
to go somewhere and thanks to my friends for the short trip. We get to bond even if it’s for a short period of time and unplanned. Those unexpected moments are oftentimes the most worthwhile and most memorable.

Needing
a new camera pls…. who’s a Good Samaritan here. I am saving my money for it. Hope I could buy the soonest. I still need this…hahaha (this is my previous need entry)

Feeling
Happy and contented. Christmas is indeed the most wonderful time of the year because of families and friends. I am happy and grateful today.

Have a great remaining days of 2016 guys! Merry Christmas and A Prosperous New Year! May this day serve as a reminder of how God loves us that He gave His only Begotten Son.

Join The Sunday Currently link-up by Siddathornton!

CHRISTMAS 2016

 

Just a few more hours left and we will be celebrating the day of birth of our Savior Lord Jesus Christ. Most of us I think are already preparing foods and gifts in time for Christmas.

In our family, what we traditionally do is preparing a simple dinner and after dinner, we will be going to our Aunt’s house and mingle with our relatives, my cousins. (More kwento, more fun). Since, I am already working, every Christmas, I was the one in-charge or who gives gifts or presents to my young cousins, nieces and nephews. I have goddaughters and godsons who also come over our house and mostly I give them toys that I bought from previous months because I usually anticipate that many will come and I prepare in advance. But this year, because of my hectic schedule from work like I am already on a Christmas break and I got a message  the other day from our bosses that I need to attend a conference that happened yesterday so, I had no chance to buy gifts for my families and friends. (Whoever decide to come in our house, expect that I cannot give them presents. I am so sorry in advance)

But, aside from the exchanging of gifts because if we say Christmas, what pops out in our head first is always the material things like exchanging of gifts, buying new clothes and many more. We often neglect to remember the true essence of Christmas and that is remembering how God loves us that He made our Lord Jesus Christ human for us and in time save us  from all our sins. Did you know or I already said from my previous posts that my most favorite bible verse is John 3:16 (By the way, this verse was thought by my 98 year old grandmother when I was a child and until now, it is instill in my head) “For God so love the world, that He gave us His only son. That whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life” This verse serves as a reminder of how God loves us and we should always be a loving person always and always believe in His mighty power.

Christmas for me equates in Love. From God’s love to us to loving others the way He loves us. We should always be grateful still for whatever circumstances that we are facing. We should pray to our Lord for His guidance that we are doing the things the way He planned for us.

Have an amazing Holidaze to all of us. Merry Christmas and a Bountiful New Year everyone!

2016-12-24

Someone greeted me an anniversary today. Yes the picture above says that I am having an anniversary in blogging my thoughts, crazy antics and being a fan for A&M. It has been  a crazy, whirlwind and happy year indeed. I am who I am here. I get to share pieces of my life and I am loving it because in here I have been more open to myself.

Here’s a link of my very first entry here: Yay! https://annjerusalem.wordpress.com/2015/12/23/when-you-wanted-to-say-something/

75

It started as complete strangers

By a twist of fate

You found each other

Your heart opened its gate.
Those perfect moments may not be always perfect, 

But being with you seems everything makes it perfect. 

Save your heart for him

For he cares about you the way you care about him
A diamond in the rough 

But your relationship will stay tough

For you are holding each other’s heart

You got each other’s side and back
I’m reaching a beautiful life 

Or I’ve caught my reason of being alive

For I’m surrounded with my loves

That reciprocate the love I give
I’m destined to be yours 

You’re destined to be mine

I love how serendipity takes its toil

For he gave me my destiny and my world

Conquer

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Me speaking in front of prominent people of our town. Photo credits to the FB of our beloved Board Member of the First District of Cagayan, Ma’am Olive B. Pascual.

Have I written in my previous blog that I have fear of speaking infront of even the smallest group of people? What more if you are tasked to speak to some of the most prominent people of your municipality or even the whole province? What would you feel speaking to people older and wiser than you?

It was already 1:30 in the morning of December 14, 2016 when I was able to come home from a work related report that we needed to rush and finish to pass on that same day. Because of the team effort from our boss and us, we were able to finish it on time. When I arrived home late, sleeping was very hard for me (insomniac moment) so I only got my sleep at around 3:30 in the morning. I intended not to go to work that day but in unexpected circumstance, my phone rang and I got text messages from my boss instructing me on something. Because I’m a diligent and responsible person, I need to do what my boss tell me even though he promised that I need not to go to work to this day.

I was clueless on what will I do this day based from the instruction of my boss plus include my having a lightheadedness and being woozy from the lack of sleep. As per instruction, he said that I’m the only one who knows about the book we are making for each barangays in the municipality (I feel flattered from that kind of compliment. char) so I need to present such infront of the barangay captains who were having a meeting in our Multi-Purpose Hall. My boss asked me if I can do it? Being my own self, I doubted of course so I answered him I don’t know if I can. But he said I can and I know at the back of my head that I needed to brave myself to conquer my fears. I went at the meeting of the Liga ng Mga Barangay late because I needed to read first the presentation I am showing them.  Then came my time to speak when our beloved Board Member entered the room. That added my nervousness of course. What I am worried more is that I will be rattled in stating her name and it will be very embarrassing on my part. Of course, I need to stay calm and not show them how my heart was beating so fast, how my hands are so cold and how I am sweating profusely. I always get that symptoms of nervousness whenever I speak in front of many people and the people I am talking too are the important people of our municipality. Included in my nervousness too is that I need to present them minus the presentation I prepared. This will be an impromptu presentation.

After the presentation, I felt consumed. My energy is as low as you could imagine. But even if that was the case, I still felt proud of myself. I was able to speak to them in my calmest self, I was able to deliver them in the best I could be or in a way they could apprehend what I am saying about, I did not rattle especially the names of these people, and most especially I CONQUERED MY FEAR. I was not to there to impress but to convey the message I want them to understand and I believe that I was able to do it. I am no expert at public speaking but I felt I did well this time. This boosted my confidence a little bit even though it’s already innate in me being timid and still having fears about it. I still am not looking forward on having public engagements or sort of because i am like that but when there come a time that the same will happen, I know I have this kind of experience to back me up.

“It’s alright to have fears because this will remind yourself that you’re also human but there are times that you need to conquer them too so that a better you will come out victorious.”